What is self-love?

What is self-love?

I’m going to take a wild guess and say it’s not just buying a t-shirt with “self-love club” printed across the chest, buying a face mask and a bottle of wine.

Oh, if it were only that easy...

I am definitely not proclaiming I have any answers or the creme de la’ creme recipe for self-love. But I have begun a somewhat long overdue self-love journey and many challenges, learning curves and pure contentment have occurred along the way.

I use the word ‘journey’ fairly loosely, as there is no destination to self-love or inner happiness. Unfortunately, it’s not something we can go on aeroplane mode for a short time and arrive in a blissful secret garden of hope, contempt and pure euphoria. Self-love is something we will do forever, throughout our whole life, becoming our story, practice and even religion. The finer details may adapt along the way, new challenges may arise but the concept and true meaning will and should always remain the same.

The uprise of self-love within our social channels has been huge as of recently which is great! Starting new conversations, allowing people to raise important questions and supporting one another along the way is a new revelation, or is it?

The topic of ‘self-love’ has potentially and hopefully introduced to many people a new and well-deserved relationship within themselves and possibly invited new questions or thought patterns. But is what we browse through on social media the true meaning of practising self-love? Much to many entrepreneur's surprise, we can't just buy a product that has a phrase on it and hope it's going to change our lives, introduce new behaviours or allow us to see ourselves differently. It sounds absurd that people would think this. For example; say you buy a new spin bike. The purchase of the bike will not transform you into a skilled cyclist, challenge your body and increase your endurance, but it is the first step or a step towards a goal you’ve set yourself. Similarly, buying the self-love face mask will not change your life but could be a good place to start. Basically, don’t buy into everything you see or read.

In life there will always be a positive and a negative to each development, idea or even statement. But this particular endorsement does sadden me. To see that businesses and ‘influencers’ are cashing in on this so-called self-love dream by creating and advertising products, that are purely aesthetic or one time use and not raising real conversations or discussions to help people understand. Don’t buy into these, self-love starts within and cannot be bought through an Instagram ad.

I believe everyone’s self-love journey is based on their own insecurities, whether that be confidence, the way you look, a certain behaviour or a personality trait. It can be literally anything that makes you feel negatively about yourself. Alternatively, you don’t have to have a negative feeling in order to practice self-love, even if you're in a great space mentally and physically starting your self-love journey could set you up for any challenges or difficulties life may throw at you.

I truly believe that great self-love can come from doing what you want to do. Sounds pretty basic doesn’t it? But when you think about all of the obligations we have, commitments, expectations, people pleasing and even feelings of guilt. Can we seriously think all of the things we do are solely because we want to? Absolutely not. A lot of the time we are doing things for other people, work, family or friends. But it’s okay to say no. Sometimes it’s important too, if it's something that brings you no joy, or even adds to your stress or poor feelings towards your self-love. I am a huge culprit for this. Being a huge people pleaser, I find myself working overtime at work, guilt for not spending enough time with loved ones and even pressures from myself to maintain certain lifestyles. This turns into a point of exhaustion and burn out. It comes from a good place, but it’s not healthy and sometimes you just need a day, an hour or however long you need to do something purely for you, for your enjoyment or relaxation. Doing something that the only benefit will be the way it makes you feel.

Another grey area for many is pressure from within. Sounds peculiar but at some subconscious level we all do it, mine personally stems from body insecurities/self-image. I want to lead a healthy lifestyle 100% of the time, working out, eating good and taking good care of myself is a huge part of my life. However, just like anything too much of something can turn not so good for you. On the days where you need a rest day, or just a short walk to the local park, or a great meal with your best friend and some wine. These are such flippant things that some people can't understand where the struggle lays. But for me and many others it often comes from an insecurity which I manage through my positive lifestyle. It’s a great method for me, makes me feel good and I can happily say I'm in a good rhythm with it, however my biggest struggle and worry is that one off day will take away any hard work I've already put in, instantly removes it and takes me back 10 steps. That obviously is not the case and my point is that even a great, positive lifestyle has allowances and that what creates the euphoria of ‘balance’.

Be kind to your body and mind. They are tough and fragile all at the same time but only you can take the time to understand it. Ask yourself the basic questions, think about the answers. Do more of what bring you joy, inner peace and challenge the existence of aspects that don’t.